Dear sweet, precious Marshall,
Today is our first holiday since losing you; it is the day we celebrate the resurrection of Christ Jesus. Momma’s heart is filled with both sorrow and hope today.
I had looked forward to celebrating this Easter with you. At church this morning, you would have met momma’s dear sweet friend, more like another grandmother to me, who just returned from her winter in Florida. She gave me a long hug, squeezed my hand, cried some tears of sorrow with me and whispered words of hope into my ear. I can only imagine how she and I would have awed at how adorable you would have been in the bluish-turquoise knit sweater, still hanging in your closet, that I would have dressed you in. My heart aches and longs to have you in my arms.
But, my dear sweet boy, momma’s heart is also filled with hope and joy as we celebrate the day Jesus conquered death. Jesus’ resurrection means that death is not final. This gives me hope and reassurance that, even though we cannot be together right now, we will be reunited, again, one day. I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that you are in heaven with Him and that my love finds you, every day. We are both filled with God’s love, and we are beyond blessed to have such a loving God.
I did get to spend Easter with your three older cousins today, they are a few of the biggest reasons I am still able to find joy since losing you. I just couldn’t help but imagine how differently today would have been for them too, if you were here with us. The littlest of your older cousins is teething; I went into your room with him and attempted to read him my favorite book, the one I’ve been reading to you on the days I am struggling. Today, our first Easter without you, I can’t help but think of the last page of that book, when I think of you. It goes “You are my angel, my darling, my star…and my love will find you, wherever you are.”
Happy Easter, my baby in heaven.
With Everlasting Love,
Mommy
Life After This 